Tu Nos Botaste? (Have you thrown us away?) -- Month 23 in the D.R.

FRIENDSHIPS

In the Dominican Republic, even more than in the U.S., relationships definitely make the world go round.  I've found that friendships are extremely important not just on weekends or in the evening after work, but they make or break you here, in the professional world as well.

 In the U.S. good friends or relatives may not talk to each other for months on end, and then one Friday night they can get together for coffee and feel fine about their relationship, and chat like they just saw each other yesterday.  Here, if I don't communicate with professional friends or neighbors from the other side of town for several weeks in a row they feel they've suddenly become unimportant to me, and they bluntly ask "Tu nos botaste?" "Have you thrown us away?"  This is a commonly-used expression here. "Hey - I haven't seen you in 3 weeks. What is the deal? Have you thrown me away?

In the U.S. we would probably never say such a thing. We have many friends who we rarely see but still love, and both sides of the friendship or professional relationship are ok with that. We just acknowledge "everybody's busy," and we don't take the sometimes limited contact as a problem in the relationship, necessarily.

In the D.R. I've learned to stretch myself a bit on that front; to really make sure that people know they are important to me. (For a person who is moderately introverted, and likes to have some evenings and Saturday mornings to myself at home, this can be a real challenge.)  But I've learned that relationships come first here -- and having friends and collaborative business colleagues here requires being "Friend-tentional."  Just a few minutes ago -- at 7pm after the sun had already gone down, while I was in the middle of dinner, a friend (colleague from another organization) of mine came by the house on her way to church to ask me "Hey, we haven't seen you down at the hospital in a couple of weeks trying to help us improve our medical services there.  Have you thrown us away?" I apologized and explained that I've been out in the countryside helping those in the communities that don't have clinics get medical consults. She said "Oh, ok." We hugged and I promised to come by the hospital within the next couple of days to move forward on the work she and I have been doing there together.  Similarly, the 19 Community Health Workers who I supervise often say "have you thrown us away, Janelle?" if I haven't been to eat dinner at their house within the last month. The 400 patients in our various medical programs see me on the street and say "Hey Janelle, I haven't seen you in my community or at my house in awhile.  Have you thrown us away?"  I tell them I've been trapped in the office writing grants to get more funding for HHI so we can help even more people with medical care in the local communities, and that I've been in meetings with D.R. health leaders trying to improve the medical system (all true). They shrug and acknowledge.  "Oh, ok. So we're still important to you?"  Then we hug and I say "I wouldl never throw you away," and I promise to come visit soon, and they say the same, and then we're all ok.

It's been an interesting learning experience -- living in a country where every person emphasizes relationships and friendships as the most important element of life, and where sitting on your neighbor's porch chatting is not so much a fun vacation activity but rather a daily expectation, privilege, and responsibility.



It's a challenge for the introverts. But it's also a beautiful thing. And I'm glad to know that the many friends I have here -- whether co-workers, local partnering agency personnel, patients, neighbors, church friends, and even quasi strangers -- will also try hard not to ever "throw me away."  They'll be here if I need them.  That's a wonderful gift - especially for a single person living abroad. (Although I have many life-long tried and true, will drop everything for each-other friends in the U.S. too,) I still think that many of us from the U.S. can perhaps learn a bit more from this "friend-tentional" way of life...

So this month I want to share some photos of a few of the friends (Dominicans and also foreigners living here) who offer such essential "friend-tentional" support to me in the D.R., and in the work that I am doing here.

Here are some of the Community Health Workers' kids in the Community of Arroyo de Leche.

They always yell at me when I don't come 45 minutes up the mountain on a motorcycle to visit them often enough. :)

Here are some of the 19 Community Health Workers who I love and who I work with every day.

They are an inspiration and consistently extend true friendship to me (and also many lunch invites) for both of which I am eternally grateful!



Here (above and below) are some of my Clinical Programs Team Co-Workers who I work with in the office.  We have a wonderful team and I'm honored to work with them! They teach me new things every day -- even though I am the one whose supposed to be teaching them :). (Above and Below).



My office and CHW Co-workers : )

Then there are the Neighbors... : ) who always want me to sit down on their porch if I pass by -- even if I'm in a hurry to head off to "an important meeting for work..."

 

 More Neighbors :)
Since I work in 4 different communities, live in a 5th, and go to church in a 6th, I am delighted to say I have "neighbors" living in each and every one of them!  I am always humbled when families in our farthest-away communities see me on their streets and call out "Hey Janelle, it's great to see you," and they welcome me into their homes with open
hearts and arms.

I also want to take this opportunity to share photos of 2 groups of international volunteers/missionaries living here who are wonderful "friend-tentional" friends to me and who I regularly thank God for.

 First, (above) are some of the women of the New Life Church Women's Bible Study which I have had the privilege to co-lead over the past 8 months.  They are such a huge support and blessing to me - sharing their lives, their stories, their experience, and their wisdom as we study the Bible and pray together every Thursday night, and attend church together on Sundays.  I love having an inter-generational, and intercultural group of women to fellowship with.  This group has been such an unexpected blessing in my life over the past 8 months and I can't stop thanking God for their friendship and honesty.

And here's one group that should not be left out at all -- They are some of my closest friends in the D.R. (though not everyone in the group is actually pictured here).   These are some of the other missionaries and humanitarian workers who I know through church and a local Bible Study that I've been privileged to be a part of on Wednesday nights for the past almost 2 years.  We support each other spiritually, emotionally, socially, and in whatever other way is needed -- giving each other advice when complicated questions or ethical issues come up in our lives and our work here.  I spent much of my day on Sunday with one of the women pictured above, helping her get treatment at a local hospital because she's come down with an unfortunate case of Dengue. But hanging out with her in that context was a pleasure because she's my friend, of course. It is a reciprocal relationship. Many of the other people in this photo have also done 8 hour shifts at the hospital with that same friend over the past 4 days as well -- making sure she's ok there in the hospital; or they've given advice from their own prior experiences with Dengue. We live our lives together -- week in and week out -- even though we all work in different places. Each one of us benefits from the support of the others, which is indescribably wonderful, especially for a group of people like us living and serving others in Jesus' name, while far from our "home countries," our original languages, and the friends, family members, and churches we left behind at "home" to come and serve here.

In the style of the old Visa commercials I might say
1.) Living and serving in the Dominican Republic = $400-600 a month.
2.) Having other foreign missionaries living near you who can support you, pray with you, and understand you in your daily struggles here -- PRICELESS.

I'm so very thankful to God for each of these missionary friends above, and for those not pictured. Together this group of friends consists of Christian missionaries serving in the following organizations here in the Dominican Republic:

La Tienda -- Standing Behind the Dignity of the Poor
Makarios International - International Educational Development
The Samaritan Foundation  --  Building Communities
Christian Surfers International -- Surfers Reaching surfers
Health Horizons International -- Health Care/Health Education -- where I (Janelle) serve and work
Kids Alive International -- "Rescuing Kids Around the World."
Mission Direct - Volunteers helping the World's Poor
A Serving Heart - Spiritual, Educational, and Economic Growth in Haiti and the Dominican Republic
Go Mad Ministries -- Fighting Human Exploitation
and more.

So, as a final thought, I encourage us all to do what the Dominicans as a culture do.  Let's be "friend-tentional" with our friends, colleagues, and neighbors. 

It's easy to "Understand" the importance of this idea, but harder to "Do" it, (though certainly some of us are better at this than others). Whether it comes easy for us or not, putting our relationships with others at the very top of our priority list -- even though it takes time that we might otherwise have used for something else -- can make our little corners of the world  better, more supportive, and more supported places -- places where less and less people feel abandoned or alone :)  At least that's what I'm finding here in the Dominican Republic!